If you've been in therapy before, you're likely aware that it can be a life-changing endeavor. If you haven't, you may not know what to look for in a therapist or counselor. Either way, you might not know what questions you should ask a potential psychotherapist.

Often when most people consider psychotherapy, they've tried just about everything else to create adjustments to their lives. Yet nothing has helped - certainly not for very long. When emotional suffering becomes anguish, it's not at all unusual for people to ask themselves, "Why not try therapy? I have to to stop the pain."

Sadly, any time we're suffering a lot, we often don't think well, and numerous people turn to counseling and psychotherapy (be it for individual psychotherapy, couples therapy, or family counseling) without questioning the potential counselor.

But the truth is, there is much more to choosing a mental health professional besides lifting up a phone and making an appointment.

Asking the Right Questions

Almost any person can refer to themselves as a counselor, so finding an individual to work with on the basis of this title provides limited information about the person's qualifications, education or background and hardly any protection if you receive inadequate service.

Titles, such as marriage and family therapist, licensed clinical social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist can only be used by persons with the corresponding credentials who've received specific education and training.

Furthermore, licensed mental health practitioners such as these should be members in good standing with their respective licensing bodies. Verifying this information will allow you to know something about the education and training the mental health provider has received and provide you some degree of protection in the event your receive poor or improper treatment.

However, verifying a counselor's license and credentials doesn't provide much information about their specific training, expertise and whether they'll be able to meet your needs.

The only way you can know if a counselor or therapist is qualified to provide you the services you need is to ask them direct questions, such as:

What age ranges do you treat?

What issues do you handle?

What kind of education and training have you had?

How many years have you been providing therapy?

Have you been in therapy?

How do you work with people to help them get well?

Do you belong to any professional organizations?

Do you update your education and training?

You needn't ask all of these - especially in a first session when you need a lot of time to talk yourself. But do ask them. And trust your sense of safety with the therapist in the first session. One of the most important determinants of successful counseling is the connection or "fit" between you and your therapist. If you don't feel comfortable and safe with the therapist you're working with, it will be nearly impossible for you to do the deep honest work necessary to heal and grow.

Beyond ascertaining the credentials, training, and competencies of a therapist and how relaxed and secure you are using them, the therapist will want to ask several questions regarding you and your situation. They too need to ensure there is a good match relating your personality, expectations and aims with who they are and the treatments they provide.

The therapist is likely to ask you what brings you to counseling, as well as about your family and overall background. They will often also inquire about your childhood, schooling, social relationships, intimate partnerships, professional and current circumstances.

Don't forget, even excellent counselors aren't going to be the most helpful for every individual, and no therapist can competently treat anything and everything. When considering a therapist, have them provide an example of a problem that is outside the extent of their practice, or that they are insufficiently educated to treat. If they can't or do not reply, you've just done away with a prospect. Every mental health professional should be prepared to refer you to other providers at your request.

Where to Begin Your Search

To identify a therapist or counselor suited to you, start off your research by asking a doctor, local clergy or some other professionals you trust for referrals.

You can even ask trusted friends or family, or you can browse the Internet for counselors near you. Just remember, a first-class advertisement or website doesn't make a counselor experienced or suitable. Ask the counselor about their credentials and experience directly, regardless of whether you obtain a recommendation from a reliable person.

Similar to determining any professional to work with, doing due diligence and making a thorough assessment about whom to use will increase the chance that therapy will meet your needs and allow you to achieve your objectives. You shouldn't be self-conscious or frightened to ask point-blank questions... After all, your future health, well-being and happiness is at stake!

Mark Tinley is a counselor and therapist in Pasadena, CA, where he specializes in providing therapy and counseling services.

Posted under depression

Why won't he listen to me?!

This is a grievance we hear from many, many women. So men, what does it mean for a man to listen to his wife?

Well, here are the major complaints that women have.

1. He doesn't seem to hear what I'm saying.

2. He isn't paying attention when I'm talking.

3. He interrupts and asks me questions.

4. He isn't interested, or seems to be bored.

5. He's annoyed and wants me to quit talking.

6. He doesn't feel like talking and sharing his thoughts with me.

Men, if you want to keep your marriage, then we're going to let you know what you need to do in order to take care of each of these complaints.

1. He doesn't seem to hear what I'm saying. Solution: don't listen to the words, listen to the sentiment and emotion behind the words. For a woman, that's what really counts.

2. He isn't paying attention when I'm talking. Solution: put away your books, magazine, newspaper and/or turn off the TV. Look her full in the eyes, turn your body towards her, uncross your legs and your arms, and give her advice as she talks. Don't interrupt her, just say things like, "umm hmmm", or "great!", or "really". When you think that there is an emotion behind something that she sharing, like enthusiasm, frustration, anger, irritation, then it's appropriate to say, "I can see that you're really your frustrated about that", or "wow, you're right, that would really make me angry too."

3. He interrupts and asks me questions. Solution: men interrupt and ask questions in order to be able to solve a problem. Find out in the beginning of your conversation with your wife, if she is interested in having you solve a problem for her or simply listen to her. If she wants you to solve a problem, then you can ask questions. If she just wants you to listen, see the answers to complaints 1 & 2.

4. He isn't interested or seems to be bored. Solution: see the answer to problem #2,

5. He's impatient and wants me to quit talking. Solution: whatever time you were planning on spending in a conversation with your wife, double it or triple it - at least in the beginning. Guys, the long term benefits of this time investment are huge - trust me.

6. He doesn't want to talk or share with me. Solution: get a glass, or a cup of your favorite beverage, leaned back in the chair, give her your complete attention, and don't plan on leaving until she's finished. When she's finished, thank her for sharing her thoughts and tell her that you love spending time with her. If you've given her the idea in the past that you don't want to talk, or that you're not interested, you may have to tell her this dozens of times, before she begins to believe you. Sorry, no immediate here, just time invested. If you abide by the plan that we've laid out above, not only will you save your marriage, your wife will feel you are the most incredible husband on the face of the earth, she'll brag about you to every one of her friends, and, she'll be more than eager to meet some of your "emotional" needs later on.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

Does your marriage need help? You are not alone. 100's of thousands have used our marriage advice. Marriage help is available , and get separate help for women

Posted under depression

Most people don't like to be alone. Most are afraid of loneliness, especially because we know that at some point in time most people spend time alone for one reason or another.

Sometimes one is alone because a husband or wife dies. Maybe the kids move out, or go to college. Relationships break up. All of these difficult situations are challenging, but they are fixable. How? It is important to be satisfied with yourself. If you like yourself and are happy alone, then being alone won't be so scary.

This is hard to accept for many people. We need to be able to enjoy our activities for the activity itself. Too often we depend on other people for our enjoyment. We feel like if we can't do something with another person, share the experience, we are disappointed. It is like the telling of a story.

If you have a story to tell, but no one to tell it to, the story is useless and empty. Thinking this way is dangerous, and also isolating because people become desperate to have someone to share things with.

Sharing experiences and stories is positive but should not be required. If you enjoy doing something for yourself, this is the key to independence. This will allow you to fully experience the activity, and feel fully about what you are doing.

When you are able to enjoy things on your own, no one can take this away from you. You will always be able to remember this good time also. This is the key to true independence. You'll find that you are happier and stronger as a result, regardless of your circumstances.

Basically, we need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves. This can be hard, and can seem morbid or depressing. It's not a negative, however. If we can enjoy things ourselves, this doesn't mean we can't also share them.

In fact, you will have a better time sharing experiences with others if you can learn to enjoy experiences on your own first.

Check out more of this writer's writing about products like the sauder 5 shelf bookcase and bookcases and shelves.

Posted under depression