How many times have you lost control of yourself when you're angry? Did you do or said something which you regretted over time?

I guess we all did. It's normal, and afterall, we are just human beings.

Everyone of us faces problems with anger. The main difference between you and me is that, do you know how to gain control of your anger, instead of letting it control you.

It's not easy to gain control of your anger, especially when you are provoked into such situations. Nevertheless, if you are facing with this situation next time, you can try out my 5 simple steps.

Step 1 : Identify what makes you upset

Start with identifying what upsets your feelings or emotions. Pull yourself aside from everything you are doing or the anger situation you are in, then take a deep breathe and clear your mind. Think, what brought you into this situation.

You need to know what is wrong in order to correct it. Right?

Step 2 : Use them as a stop signal

When you are done with Step 1, you'd probably already knew what made you angry. You might not have the complete clear idea of it, but it's OK. At least you have "some" ideas.

Use these as stop signs for your anger. You're upset because the little voices inside your head are telling yourself upsetting things. This in return causes a stir in your feelings, therefore resulting in anger.

Stop all these little voices from talking within yourself, and you'll be able to think independantly and not being influenced by them and the situation.

Step 3 : Tell yourself positive things

It's important to think positive. You can counteract your upsetting thoughts with framing your mind to have a positive self-message. Tell yourself something nice that will make you feel better.

For instance, "this anger feeling is only temporary and I don't want to say or do something stupid which I will regret for my actions later."

Put the brakes on your feelings. Tell yourself to slow down and take it easy.

Step 4 : Make yourself clear

Clarify the situation for yourself. Ask yourself, "What is really going on in this situation?"

You can then feel disappointed with the situation but not enraged at the people who are creating it.

Step 5 : Think of constructive goals

Try to set more realistic goals for yourself in regard to the problem situation that you are in.

Ask yourself, "What are the alternative solutions that I use to resolve this situation?"

Be specific as possible, and concrete.

"What can you do to change this situation?"

List out the constructive options that you have in mind in which to reach your goals.

Ask yourself, "What constructive actions can I take to reach my goals?"

Finally, choose a constructive option to reach your goal and act fast on it.

The 5 simple steps that I had just pointed out to you are exactly what I do whenever I face with anger situations. You can try them out when you face with such situations.

Everyone gets angry at times, but the important thing is, "What can you do to overcome this situation?".

Gain control of your anger, rather than letting it control you.

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Posted under anger management

Dealing with anger is never easy, since people always have to face problems and reasons for conflict but our anger management technique is crucial. We have to deal with price increases, arguments, war, violence, crime, everyday common stupidity and continuous interruptions. There is not one person in this sometimes difficult world that has not gotten angry at some point.

Anger is a feeling that we all have to cope with. But anger comes in many forms: the root of anger is hatred, anxiety or frustration as a result of previous deception or disappointment, comes from bad anger management technique. This is true. However, true or not, even in the Bible it says that when Adam and Eve were created on Earth, the first incident was when Satan, in the form of a snake, lied, deceiving Eve. Once that lie became apparent, the world began suffering many problems, including violence, murder, war, shortages, disease, weather disasters etc.

Since that first lie, the world has become more chaotic and continues to worsen as the years roll by. We can examine how a lie can instigate anger by looking at one individual scenario. That person engaged in criminal activities, like stealing, writing bad checks, and selling prescription medications. Now that person had to embroider lying into the picture, since she felt that her behaviour and actions were only a means of survival.

So, she started lying to cover up her wrong-doing. As the years went by, she became angry and could not deal with life, solely as a result of the way she was behaving, her way of thinking, the way she was conducting her life and her poor anger management technique. The person began to react like anyone else suffering from uncontrolled anger would behave.

This included, undermining others, insulting others, verbally and physically assaulting, threatening, belittling, mocking, et cetera. The woman was diagnosed with mental illness, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar. She also had health issues, including diabetes. Now, if we examine all the aspects of that person's anger and anger management technique, we can see, if we search deep enough, that her lying, which caused paranoia, was the basic reason for her behavioral problems.

A lot of people have a problem with their anger management technique. Many of the people with post-traumatic stress disorder behave angrily because they are reacting to a flashback in memory. That is right! People with post traumatic stress disorder often suppress their emotions and when they are violent or angered, it is often the result of fighting the sources that caused their trauma and not the person in their immediate presence.

But the problem is that, we do not see this as the reason for the woman's anger, since she did not make the problem public knowledge. Therefore, people would not think of post traumatic stress disorder as the cause, or at least lessen the possibility of it. So, now let's take a look at diabetes, since this illness affects the nerves. The shortage of insulin creates other problems too, but many people with diabetes will become upset for little or no reason whatsoever.

However, most of us do not act angrily, assault, insult or attack others. We should also look at why crimes are committed and then we would see that it is usually a serious behavioral problem that has come from lying. Therefore, when we look at this individual we have to deal with the underlying problems to stop her from lying and get her to move forward, avoiding episodes of frustration, anxiety and anger by using anger management technique.

Now, this person is in denial, which means that until the legal system makes her take steps to anger management technique, then she probably will not get help herself. In addition, even if the criminal justice system does force her to get help, it probably will not work, since she has been in denial for probably many years. Now we are dealing with a real problem in anger management technique , since her behaviour is life long, which means extensive therapy isneeded.

Anger is a normal emotion, but when it interferes with someone else's life, it becomes a serious problem. This person is not hurting only one person, she is hurting society as a whole, since when she steals or writes bad cheques, society picks up the tab with higher taxes, as well as other levies. One of the biggest problems that I have noticed with this type of person, is that the system and society allows it to continue; only addressing it when the person is in custody. Once the person is released, then it continues again. This is a chain of events involving lack of control due to anger mis-management and bad anger management technique.

If this article anger managent technique has made you curious you and you want to read more, please go along to http://anger-management.the-real-way.com

Posted under depression

Not too long ago, I talked to a friend about her frustration towards her spouse and how it had lasted quite a few days. She seemed to let it trouble her in almost everything she did. They're both Christians however, seemed to have conflict in fundamental problems that take place every day. She wanted to know procedures to vent her emotions however prevent conflict. She did not really feel totally free to express her anger, as it would place him on the defense and they will be much more distant than prior to.

I'm not the professional person on this but there are lots of experts in every town that will help her. In a recent study, LifeWay (a Christian based group) had researchers solicit responses as to the "Top ten Problems facing today's Loved ones." More than 2,000 men and women from around the country had been part of this undertaking. What they learned had been the same factors the loved ones family units had observed across the board in our personal families, mine included. Here is what they found out:

1. Anti-Christian culture
2. Broken Homes
3. Busy Parents and Kids
4. No male or father figure
5. Relaxed in Discipline
6. Financial stress
7. Lack of communication
8. Negative media influences
9. Materialism
10. Morality Diversions

What can we learn from this and how can we benefit and grow? Can we save our marriages even when all the signs say we have gone across the line?

"I personally think that although all these points are definitely influencing our culture, and we're merely searching at some from the results from the 'fall of man'", states Christian Marriage Counselor Chuck Sugar, out of Nashville.

Counselors are here to guide couples to identify the areas of their marriages which are adversely impacted by the "fall of man". It is human err since that fall we struggle and contend with. This is the first step in understanding why and also knowing it is possible to overcome just as the bible suggests. Practical issues dealing with this are

balancing our work and loved ones time,

discipline issues,

our need stay busy, etc.

Most individuals initial response would be to fault their spouse or blame the economy, the media or even the world. I think the typical response is, "I'm unhappy and you're to blame!" What I heard recently counseling an unfulfilled wife was, "I am irritated with my husband simply because it is his to make me happy." Although our spouses can do things which we are certainly not happy with, accusing our partner for our unhappiness is wrong, prideful, and arrogant. (Once again attributes from the fall of man or rather, our sinful nature).

What we ought to do would be to assist couples start to take obligation for their personal happiness. For instance, the believed, "my husband makes me mad" assumes that one individual is really powerful sufficient to "make" an additional really feel something. But I've observed incredible changes within the dynamics of a marriage when a individual begins taking obligation for their personal emotions. For instance, saying, "I turn out to be irritated when my husband is late for dinner." Rather than saying "you make me irritated, they're saying I turn out to be irritated when..."

By merely changing the "you" to" I" it goes from blame to becoming responsible. That shows progress that they're starting to take obligation for their personal actions and emotions; him for becoming late and her for selecting to be irritated in response to his lateness.

This will permit each people to start to view points much more closely now. They have shifted from blame where defenses can place up walls however now they can start to obtain "under the hood" a small bit and assist her discover other healthy choices. It is not about changing his behavior; individuals do not fix individuals! That will be manage. This really is setting efficient boundaries.

She may come to terms with this in a healthier way which would sound like, "Bill, I'm displeased that you're an hour late for dinner and failed to call to let me know. This really is the 3rd time this month you've done this and I'm getting tired of your irresponsible pattern of becoming late and inconsiderate. I'm irritated, your dinner is cold or in the oven, and I'm going to bed. I wish within the future you will be much more considerate and call me when you're running late." This might sound harsh, but I'm imagining her voice having a normal, controlled tone. Controlled anger, each firm and assertive, would seem to fit within the "be irritated, but do not sin" biblical model of appropriate anger. She would have to make a decision of letting his consistent lateness control her thus making her angry or choosing to control the anger.

I had a friend years ago that was 30 minutes late the very first time we met for lunch. I was a bit perturbed when I realized he had no great reason for his lateness and wasn't more thoughtful of me. The next time we met for lunch I determined that if he was late once again, after 10 minutes, I would order and begin eating. When he got there (30 minutes late) I was almost finished eating. I was a bit annoyed with his pattern of lateness, but not necessarily irritated. I had a great, peaceful lunch alone. He couldn't believe I ate without him! So we met, he ordered, and I left when I needed to leave even though he wasn't finished eating. I did not leave on purpose to teach him a lesson; I really had a commitment for which I needed to be at and be on time! We even so meet for lunch occasionally and he's generally either a little early, on time, or he calls to tell me he's running late. I didn't try to fix or change him; I just didn't need to let his lateness dictate what I felt and when I ate. I've blood-sugar problems and it matters to me when I eat. We're nevertheless great friends to this day (as far as I know!).

For further study see "God, Marriage & Family" (Crossway, 2004). See also the recent commentary by Albert Mohler on this work; as well as Andreas Kstenberger, "The Biblical Framework for Marriage," Midwestern Journal of Theology 4/2 (2006): 24-42.

Special thanks to Chuck Sugar Counseling, PLLC at Fighting fair in a marriage Chuck provides counseling within the Nashville, TN region. His office is located in Brentwood, TN within the Maryland Farms region.(615) 369-0650 Chuck@ChuckSugar.com

Posted under anger management